The Hulks

Miami The Good

It was beautiful! Amazing weather, scorching hot, incredible hotel, bars, restaurants, food, drinks... I would go back in a heartbeat. It was glamorous and chic and expensive, but we were still able to experience it relatively cheap thanks to the sugardaddies and great restaurant reccommendations.

One place we loved was called The Palace. It's a gay restaurant that has live drag show throughout the day. Sounds fucked up but it was a HUGE attraction. Families, straights, gays... everyone who saw the darg queens couldn't help but stop and watch. They would go out into the streets and stop traffic, get on top of cars, climb trees... absolutely hilarious. In Toronto the drag shows are pretty vulgar and crude but in South Beach it was pure comedy and entertainment and just really friendly and wholesome. The best part about The Palace was the Sunday brunch. For $25 I got a filet mignon and unlimited mimosas. I thought unlimited mimosas would mean they would bring you glass after glass, but instead they brought a bottle of champagne and a pitcher of OJ and they would refresh them both as we emptied them. A group of 6 of us went through 11 bottles by 3 o'clock (when the deal stops) and we couldn't believe that this was unlimited bottle service champagne in South Beach on the main strip with a steak for only $25.

When Mike and I were waiting for our table for brunch I spotted 2 guys from London who now go to school in Fort Lauderdale. We joined their group for the afternoon and they extended an open invitation to us to come visit them anytime we want. They will put us up for free, show us around, feed us... apparently they're amazing hosts and they miss familiar Canadian faces so they want Mike and I to come visit anytime we'd like. We think we're going to take them up on the offer sometime in the winter when we need a break from the weather.

Miami The Bad

After arriving and gawking at the palm trees and the lush hotel and the total lavishness of South Beach - there was no bigger buzz kill than meeting out financiers for the first time. They met us in their speedos and greeted Mike with big hugs and kisses. I wanted to puke - first of all get your hands off my boyfriend - second of all - you're gross. I was so put off by meeting them and their steroids but what could I do other than be nice and just let everything go. They're shelling out mega bucks for us to be there and as shitty as it was I felt obligated.

So we hit the beach with them and Mike is chilling on a lounger when all of a sudden one of the Hulks climbs over him and kisses his face for no reason other than he wanted to. Fuck off! I pulled Mike aside a few minutes later and was like, "What the fuck was that?" Mike assured me that there was nothing to worry about, that they're just really affectionate, but I told him I didn't give a shit. It makes me extremely uncomfortable to see someone else touch my boyfriend and I didn't want it to happen again. I told him he had to pick my side. Either Hulk is going to be disappointed he can't grope Mike, or I'm going to be uncomfortable that he's rubbing those brutish hands all over him. He can't satisfy everyone so I told him he has to satisfy me. So here's how he handled the next incident....

We're at the bar and Hulk grabs Mike's face and kisses him on the lips! At which point Mike says, "Be fair, Ryan gets one too." I couldn't believe it. He grabbed my face and planted those collagen filled suckers right on me. I flinched and squirmed away and Hulk was unsatisfied so he gave me another. I couldn't believe it. I thought he would sense my body language and back off but he just got right in there even more. On the one hand I was glad that Mike made an effort to address the attention they were giving him but I think he misunderstood me. I wanted the affection to stop, I didn't want a piece for myself.

Why wasn't Hulk's boyfriend there at the time to witness this you ask... well he didn't come out with us that night because he was out having sex with someone he met on the beach that afternooon. I couldn't believe it when Hulk kissed his boyfriend goodbye and said, "Have fun." The boyfriend left at midnight, and came home at 8am, the whole time with another guy he had just met. It made me sick to my stomach.

There were so many beautiful people in South Beach - perfect bodies everywhere - and there were times when I was getting pissed because Mike was checking out and discussing other guys with Hulk right in front of me. Sure these people are hot, I can see them too, but there is no need to drool, there is no need to introduce yourself to them (Mike actually introduced himself to someone else and I raged about that when we got to Toronto). It just made me wonder what Hulk would have encouraged out of Mike if I wasn't there. Clearly monogamy is something Hulk doesn't participate in so I have no doubt that he would have encouraged Mike meeting new people if I wasn't around. I thought meeting these guys would have made me comfortable with their friendship and I thought it would have made me comfortable with Mike seeing them alone but it was completely the opposite.

That all being said, it didn't ruin the trip or anything. Incidents were isolated and dealt with. By the end of the trip the guys seemed nice enough and I think they got a better understanding of our relationship and that Mike and I handle our sex life differently than they do. In the future I think they would consider where I'm coming from and what my limits are. They were friendly and generous and fun, but some of thier decisons are not decisions I would make for myself. We had a really good time, and while the Hulks were different and there were moments of discomfort, I understood them by the end of the trip and I don't think they wish anything but the best for Mike and I.