My best friend got married this past Saturday in Halifax and I have to say my 5 days involved with the festivities were probably the best 5 days of my life. It was nothing but joy. Happiness, laughing, friends, family... there were no problems or cares in the world - only celebration - for 5 straight days.
I was the best man so this month I have been really busy organizing the bachelor party, travel plans, my speech etc... but I have to say, and I know I'm tooting my own horn, I did a fantastic job! As best man there are 3 major duties. 1- Throw a kick ass bachelor party 2- Write the best speech of the night 3- Be the drunkest guy at the reception. Well.... check check check!
The bachelor party was incredible. Just a really good night, with a really good bunch of guys, lots of booze, strippers, weed.... but no body crossed any lines and the fun was tasteful and harmless. I got a lap dance from a busty blonde and I have to say - the softness of her skin and the smell of her breasts were really hypnotizing - I wanted to ask her her secrets. The groom had a great night, I brought Mike to the event and introduced him to all of my straight guy friends and everyone had a blast.
My speech? It was incredibly difficult to start writing it. I know Darren in a completely different way from how his parents and relatives know him. The stories that Darren and our friends wanted to hear would have offended the 40+ audience, but the stories that the 40+ people were interested in would have bored the young people. Also, I was instructed to keep myself in the closet so I couldn't bring up his support in my coming out, or his horror stories at some of the bars I've convinced him to go to.... there were a lot of expectations and a lot of limitations on where I could go with the speech so I had no idea how to approach it. So I got high.... I smoked up and sat at the computer and what came out went over really well. The crowd was laughing, there were tears, cheers, it had a bit of everything and the onslaught of praise afterwards made me feel great. It wasn't even just a casual "good job" in passing - people I had never met were approaching me, shaking their heads with big smiles, shaking my hand and telling me that I did a "phenomenal job". Such a relief.
Drunkest at the party? Probably not the drunkest but definitely the ring leader. After the typical scheduled dances, people were needing a little encouragement to get onto the dance floor so I grabbed one of the bridesmaids and took center stage. Completely unplanned and unprompted, we broke into a dance extravaganza that involved spins, lifts, shakes and thrusts and then ended with a classic move involving me taking a running start and sliding through her legs, belly down on the dance floor. The circle around us burst into cheers and like a typical movie, they crowded in after our move and the party really got a kick start. Later in the night I took my underwear off under my kilt and Darren threw them in the ocean, I tried to help a drunk 62 year old woman walk and she ended up pushing me down the hill face first, our shuttle back to the city hit a raccoon prompting the bus full of passed out drunks to start screaming like banshees - the whole night was a gong show. The classiest and most extravagant wedding I had ever witnessed yet the best party and most fun night all at the same time.
It was a big expense for me and a lot of work so I'm happy that it's over, but the memories of my 6 days in Halifax are some of my fondest and I'll be reliving them for a long time to come.
(There is more Mark bullshit going on that I'll try to get into in my next post. The story of our break-up and Mike and everything is a bit disjointed so I'll try to get that up to date. Luckily I've been distracted with amazingly fun non-relationship experiences that have kept me distracted during this pending war.)
I was the best man so this month I have been really busy organizing the bachelor party, travel plans, my speech etc... but I have to say, and I know I'm tooting my own horn, I did a fantastic job! As best man there are 3 major duties. 1- Throw a kick ass bachelor party 2- Write the best speech of the night 3- Be the drunkest guy at the reception. Well.... check check check!
The bachelor party was incredible. Just a really good night, with a really good bunch of guys, lots of booze, strippers, weed.... but no body crossed any lines and the fun was tasteful and harmless. I got a lap dance from a busty blonde and I have to say - the softness of her skin and the smell of her breasts were really hypnotizing - I wanted to ask her her secrets. The groom had a great night, I brought Mike to the event and introduced him to all of my straight guy friends and everyone had a blast.
My speech? It was incredibly difficult to start writing it. I know Darren in a completely different way from how his parents and relatives know him. The stories that Darren and our friends wanted to hear would have offended the 40+ audience, but the stories that the 40+ people were interested in would have bored the young people. Also, I was instructed to keep myself in the closet so I couldn't bring up his support in my coming out, or his horror stories at some of the bars I've convinced him to go to.... there were a lot of expectations and a lot of limitations on where I could go with the speech so I had no idea how to approach it. So I got high.... I smoked up and sat at the computer and what came out went over really well. The crowd was laughing, there were tears, cheers, it had a bit of everything and the onslaught of praise afterwards made me feel great. It wasn't even just a casual "good job" in passing - people I had never met were approaching me, shaking their heads with big smiles, shaking my hand and telling me that I did a "phenomenal job". Such a relief.
Drunkest at the party? Probably not the drunkest but definitely the ring leader. After the typical scheduled dances, people were needing a little encouragement to get onto the dance floor so I grabbed one of the bridesmaids and took center stage. Completely unplanned and unprompted, we broke into a dance extravaganza that involved spins, lifts, shakes and thrusts and then ended with a classic move involving me taking a running start and sliding through her legs, belly down on the dance floor. The circle around us burst into cheers and like a typical movie, they crowded in after our move and the party really got a kick start. Later in the night I took my underwear off under my kilt and Darren threw them in the ocean, I tried to help a drunk 62 year old woman walk and she ended up pushing me down the hill face first, our shuttle back to the city hit a raccoon prompting the bus full of passed out drunks to start screaming like banshees - the whole night was a gong show. The classiest and most extravagant wedding I had ever witnessed yet the best party and most fun night all at the same time.
It was a big expense for me and a lot of work so I'm happy that it's over, but the memories of my 6 days in Halifax are some of my fondest and I'll be reliving them for a long time to come.
(There is more Mark bullshit going on that I'll try to get into in my next post. The story of our break-up and Mike and everything is a bit disjointed so I'll try to get that up to date. Luckily I've been distracted with amazingly fun non-relationship experiences that have kept me distracted during this pending war.)
2 comments:
sounds like you had a blast man. glad things went so well. :)
Kilt! We need a picture of that!
Post a Comment